Sven’s guide to…

The National Express post was quite long enough, so I thought I would save the love-life drama for another installment, and since I’m bored at work and have some time on my hands, now seems as good a time as any.

Thanks to the miracle of text, I have a complete record of the conversation that made me so cross I wanted to spit and then finally made me get over Crazy of OL7 (the names have been changed for obvious reasons - except mine of course, that would just be silly). As a brief history, I met this guy once and we’ve been getting on well and all the rest of it, but nothing exclusive so he went out and met someone else, I took it badly as I was blatantly rebounding, then I decided to stop being so stupid and get on with my life and that’s where we are now.

I warn you there’s some fairly slushy stuff and I do seem to have come down with Elsa Syndrome, but speaking as a former lame chick who spent time in Elsa’s airing cupboard of friendship I don’t think it’s such a bad thing: it’s nice to be nice. Anyway, I’m not 100% ok with the ethics of putting a conversation such as this on here, but since it’s only you who read it (or not) and I would tell you all about it if you were here, I am prepared to take the risk. So, here is how to deal with passive aggressive (and worseningly drunken) gentleman texters (also, take note how it’s starts - no one begins a conversation like this):

Crazy of OL7 (21:23): Hope you had a good one. I’ll catch you later. Just got in myself

Sven (21:25): Cool - dating or parents? I’ve had a mare of a day but it was still a wicked weekend.

C (21:37): Dating and parents

S (21:40): Ooh, look at you with a proper bf and everything! How did it go? I’m at casualty with my dad
C (21:43): Forget my amorous liaisons. He’s still here. How’s ur dad

S (21:47): Oh he’s fine. Gonna get it on tonight then? Why are telling me of all people?

C (21:50): Ok hope ur dads fine. u dont have to be a xxxx though. I thought we were friends

S (22:54): We are friends, I’m just tired and crabby and don’t want to know about your other men. I want to get over you and I’m to exhausted to try and hide it.

C (22:04): That’s ok. My dad has cancer. Just found out. Never mind get on with your life. People here will take care of me

S (22.10): Thats awful! You must be heart-broken. Of course if you want to talk about it I’m here for you but that’s a low thing to do to a friend - tell them something like that and then dump them.

C (22:15): So when you need a friend where are they. I can’t talk now

S (22:21): Your friends or mine? I’m confused. If you really want to talk then let me know and I’ll listen.

C (22:34): This isn’t a dear john. Manuel is here. But I thought you’d understand my anguish. That was short sighted of me

S (22: 35): Shut up and listen to me. You and me is a matter for another day. Right now you need to think about this. I’ll be your friend and listen to whatever you want if that’s what you want, but I won’t feel guilty for being nice or feel bad for caring. Tell me what you want from me.

C (22:42): Nows not a good time to talk

*******

C (23:50): How r u X

S (23:51): Confused and thinking about you. How are you?

C (23:54): Thanx thinkin of u 2 X X

S (23:55): So how are you doing?

C (23:58): im sorry

S (00:00): You should be. I know this is awful news and you’re not yourself so I’ll let you off, but you were really mean.

C (00:04): Sorry 4 being so stupid I jst need sum time on my own

S (00:05): Perhaps I ought to leave you alone for a while. I’m off to bed but we’ll sort this out in the morning

C (00:06): yeah ok Gd night x x

S (00:09): Get some rest - everything is better in the morning. Good night x

C (00:18): Ok jst wanted a friend x

S (00:20): Then you’ve come to the right man, but right now I’m off to bedfordshire. See you in dreamland x

C (00:38): Ok will spk 2 Manuel bout it

S (00:43): Using this to make me jealous is SO not cool. I really am asleep now. Good night

C (00:50): ok gd night

C (00:53): [missed call to Sven]